I turned 40 this weekend. Of course, in some ways, it doesn’t really mean anything—or at least it doesn’t have to. But I’ve chosen to make this milestone meaningful to me, as an inflection point in my life, the start of a new chapter.
It dawned on me recently that over the past few years, I have adopted the belief that “I am tired.” I so often feel drained and overstimulated from parenting, growing a business, poor diet choices, doom scrolling, etc. I so often am trying to get out of the present moment into some other easier, more peaceful moment.
Of course, there are many moments when I truly am exhausted and need to rest. There’s no way around that. But at the same time, “I am tired” has also become an attitude I project onto so many moments unnecessarily and to the detriment of myself and those around me. In some ways, it has become a toxic belief that warps how I see and relate to myself and the world around me.
I’d love to change that. I’d love to infuse my life with the belief that “I’m here, willing and able to do what’s needed.” I’d love to show up to each moment with a genuine sense of enthusiasm, resilience, and warriorship, rather than malaise, resistance, or victimhood.
I know I can’t just believe this all into existence. If I don’t want to feel as tired, better sleep, healthier food, less screen time, etc. are all going to be a part of the equation. And they will be.
But perhaps I can also train my mind to show up to every moment differently. Perhaps I can learn to cultivate the peace and ease I long for within myself right here, right now, rather than running off trying to find it in some other moment. Perhaps I can learn to remember that profound transformation is available simply by changing the stories I tell myself.
That’s what I’d love to make 40 about.
