Did I make the right decision?

So many of our big life decisions are leaps of faith. We rarely have all the information we need to make a fully informed decision. We can’t fully predict what the future will bring or how we will feel about it. And we rarely feel 100% sure. And so we do our best and jump into the unknown. We might soon find ourselves on the other side of that big decision—in a new job, a new city, or without an old partner—and moments of doubt are almost guaranteed. We can’t help but wonder, “Did I make the right decision?” or “Should I have done something else?”

Sometimes the answer is clear. If you are in an abusive or otherwise toxic situation, the only helpful next step is to admit your mistake and make a new decision. There is no willing it into a positive situation for you.

However, these situations are perhaps rarer than we think. For most of us, there’s evidence that we made the right decision alongside evidence that we made the wrong one. Some aspects are working well, while others aren’t quite what we had hoped.

So what do we do? How do we orient to our new decision?

How can I make this the right decision?

Rather than getting sucked into a vortex of doubt and second-guessing, I often find it most helpful to simply believe that there is no single right or wrong decision. Perhaps many different paths can be the right decision. Maybe for some of us, whatever decision we make will never truly feel like the right one. The very concept of the “right decision” is maybe simply a setup for doubt and hesitation.

The orienting question then isn’t, “Did I make the right decision?” Instead, it’s “How can I more fully stand by my decision?” Have I offered it the kindness, patience, and curiosity I would to a struggling friend? Have I truly given it the sunlight, water, and time it needs to blossom? Have I done everything in my power to make this a decision that serves my path?

Creating the future you most want for yourself

The question, “How can I make this the right decision?” is a profoundly empowering one. It means you stop the cycle of doubt and hesitancy. It means you stop waiting for an external sign of validation to tell you everything is going to be OK. It means you stop looking back to question the past.

Instead, you commit to creating the best possible outcome from where you actually are. You take responsibility for the decision. You invest your energy in creating the future you most want for yourself.

If you moved to a new city and feel lonely, instead of questioning your decision to move, you take stock of all the ways to see your current predicament as an opportunity. This might mean actively seeking out new friendships, joining a club, or exploring your new community. Or it might mean calling up an old friend with whom you’ve lost touch. Or it might mean befriending and excavating your loneliness and finding the wisdom in it.

Believing in your decision

Ultimately, it comes down to: Have you truly infused this decision with belief and commitment? Or have you made the decision and then immediately infused it with doubt and hesitation?

The “right decision” is usually not written in the stars or decided for us by the universe. The right decision emerges when we fully commit to and take responsibility for it. The right decision emerges when we fully trust that whatever is unfolding in this moment is the exact lesson we needed.