So many of our big life decisions are leaps of faith. We usually don’t have all the information we need to make a fully informed decision. We can’t fully predict what the future will bring or how we will feel about it. We rarely feel 100% sure.
And so we do our best and jump into the unknown.
Soon, we find ourselves on the other side of our big decision – in a new job or a new city, without an old partner, or with crying babies to take care of. And there’s almost always at least one – if not many – moments of doubt. We can’t help but wonder: Did I make the right decision? Should I have stayed at my old job? Should I have moved somewhere else? Do I really want kids?
There are certainly some times when the answer is clear. You didn’t make the right decision. Perhaps you are in an abusive or otherwise toxic situation. The only answer is to admit your mistake and make a new decision.
But these times when we obviously made the wrong decision are perhaps more rare than we think. There’s usually some evidence to suggest we made the right decision and some evidence to suggest we made the wrong decision. There are aspects of the decision that are working well and aspects that aren’t quite what we had imagined or hoped.
Rather than get sucked into a vortex of doubt and second-guessing, I often find it most helpful to simply believe that there is no right decision or wrong decision. Or perhaps, many different decisions can be the right decision.
The question is not: Did I make the right decision? The question is: Have I fully stood by my decision? Have I offered it the kindness, patience, and curiosity that I would a struggling friend? Have I truly given it the sunlight, water, and time it needs to blossom?
How can I make this the right decision?
Peter Schulte
I help aspiring changemakers do good in the world and feel good in the process.