You have been told, and you have been telling yourself, how you are supposed to be. Successful. Productive. Good. Enough. There is always another hoop to jump through, another standard to meet, another version of yourself you haven’t quite become yet.
You’ve been shoulding yourself. Most of us do it constantly.
It comes from religion, from culture, from the rules we quietly absorb and then mistake for truth. Regardless of the source, the result is usually the same: we spend our lives doing what we feel obligated to do, rather than what we feel genuinely called to do. We live someone else’s version of goodness, truth, beauty, and wisdom — and forsake our own. Sometimes we don’t even realize we can have our own.
Here’s what I believe: There is no should. The should is a prison of our own making. Not the cold, hard truth of the universe — just a construct. A story. One we could walk away from, if we chose.
Personally, I often find myself thinking I should be kinder. I should be more mindful. I should be more patient.
And yet, when I sit with it for a moment, I realize I actually want these things. No shoulding required. And these aspirations are much more liberating, joyful, and easeful when I allow them to be a want. When they are a should, I often resist them, even resent them. When I wholeheartedly choose them, they transform. They become a part of my purpose; a big part of what makes my life beautiful, meaningful, and fulfilling.
Imagine “should” as an app on your phone. If you decided, right now, to uninstall it once and for all, what might you do differently with your day today?
