We all have our own genius – the unique creative essence we are born with. I think of genius as having at least three core ingredients: passions, talents, and personal values. In the previous piece, I discussed passions and talents. Here, I unpack personal values.
Beyond right and wrong
Humans from a wide range of cultures and traditions have a long history of dividing the world into “good” and “bad” or “right” and “wrong.” We hold certain beliefs or behaviors as unquestionable and sacrosanct, while we make others forbidden and shameful.
This tendency can have its merits. It helps societies root themselves and coalesce around shared principles. It clearly announces to individuals that certain behaviors—for example, murder—are unequivocally unacceptable. There are some areas in which there just isn’t, shouldn’t, and can’t be room for debate or equivocation.
But these areas of widespread moral agreement obscure a more difficult and perhaps disorienting truth: there is a rich world of gray in between those things that can be nearly universally deemed “good” or “bad.” What is “good” from my perspective might be “bad” from another’s, and vice versa. Or many things might be both good and bad, or neither. They might just be personal preferences.
Just as each society coalesces around its own unique cultural values, each of us as an individual is guided by unique, personal values. These personal values define what we prioritize and seek in life. They give shape to the person we want to be and the world we want to create. One might value collaboration, while another might value competition. One might value peace, while another might value challenge. One might value gentleness, while another might value ferocity. Our personal values are simply whatever we yearn to cultivate within ourselves and our world.
One’s values are, in a sense, inarguable. If one values something and then lives their life accordingly, who is anyone to debate? A value cannot be right or wrong, so long as it is held with intentionality and in good faith. We all get to define for ourselves what we truly value and believe is right and good.
Our values are a third core ingredient of our genius, along with our passions and talents. If passion is the fuel and talent is the vehicle, we might think of our personal values as the compass that orients us in the right direction for our own unique journey. With our core values clearly articulated within ourselves, we can much more easily find our way back to our true north.
Our personal values help make each of us unique
When one ponders their own personal values, “love” is often the first thing that comes to mind. Indeed, The Beatles famously declared “All you need is love.” And they were right, in a way. Love is perhaps the most life-affirming, glorious, and important thing in all existence. It pervades our most meaningful relationships and our happiest moments. It is the bedrock of any fulfilled person or prospering society. For some, all Creation quite literally is love.
And yet, “love” is not always a great personal core value, at least in my opinion.
Curating our own list of personal values is critical in defining what we most prioritize in life. And we perhaps should all probably value love quite highly, if not more than anything. However, our personal values are equally important in defining how each of us is unique. The most powerful values are those that both showcase what we truly cherish most and set us apart in our own brilliant, unique genius. They help us understand our specific roles and journeys. They help us capture our unique essence. “Love” is likely too universal and all-encompassing to serve that purpose well.
I think The Beatles were wrong, in a way. We often need more than just pure, unadulterated love. Each of us has a unique, brilliant genius that yearns to be expressed, seen, and put to good use. We each of have our own favorite flavors of life that we gravitate to, take solace in, and ultimately value more than others. Part of what we are here to do is to offer those unique expressions, those unique flavors that bring richness and diversity to this life.
Knowing our personal values beyond love helps us do that. Through them, we come to know and live through the core principles that bring us alive and truly make us us.
List of personal values
There is a near-infinite list of values one might hold. In fact, it is often empowering to invent your own values and make them as quirky and you as possible. With that said, often, some, most, or all of our core values can be curated from the image below.
Shadow, aspirational, and actualized personal values
Embodying our values is a continuous, lifelong practice. First, we state our values. Then we spend our lives trying to better embody them. When we truly reflect our beliefs in our words and actions, we can say that we are living with integrity. We can say that our personal values are truly actualized.
However, most, if not all of us, fall short of this mark in one way or another, or in certain moments. We profess or strive to live by values that we don’t truly live by, yet. We might call these aspirational values. Likewise, many of us live by values that have not been stated at all. We are largely unaware of them and their power in our lives. For example, we might believe and say that we value generosity, peace, and courage, but actually live by frugality, striving, and agreeableness. We might call these shadow values.
These shadow values often drive our very worst behaviors. They reflect our deepest fears and shame. But these shadow values can also be a place of deep beauty, aspects of our genius so powerful and brilliant that we deem ourselves unworthy of them. For example, the world may see us consistently choosing to act with courage, but we may not yet be able to see and claim that courage within ourselves. When we are finally able to see and claim, we are able to express and embody them even more powerfully and clearly than before.
Working on our personal values then, is not simply about thinking through what we believe ourselves to value most and then calling those our personal values. That is a useful exercise, but just the first step. Next, we must delve into ourselves and honestly examine our thoughts and behaviors to gauge what we actually value in practice and what shadow values might be getting in the way. We must practice reflecting what we believe we value in our actual day-to-day lives.
What would you most like to value in this life? Are these truly reflected in your actions? If not, what do you make more important?
If you were to truly use your personal values as the compass of your life’s path, where might they lead you?